i t s . t h e . l i t t l e . t h i n g s . a n d . t a c o s
Date: September 30, 2012 7:01:47 PM
Subject: Greetings from the air! Greetings from the air!
Im currently flying home from SF where we had a wonderful day with Jayn and Marcus at Alice 97.3FM ‘s Now + Zen festival at Golden Gate Park. There was an estimated 15-20,000 people in attendance today and it was exhilarating. We played a short 20 minute set, which was pretty rocking and the audience was pumped. Thank you Alice and everyone in the crowd for being so kind to us! Yesterday, we were in Vegas doing the Bite of Las Vegas show with Mix 94.1FM. It was an equally incredible day. The limo that picked us up from the airport was enough to get me all hopped up!
I’m still amazed that I get to do this. Amazed when a limo comes to pick us up, amazed when girls in the crowd yell my name in unison, and when I walk over to them hug me and ask me to sign their jean shorts, arms and if they can record a video of me telling the one they love that they love that person. I trip out when I get to be backstage with artist like Ed Sheeran, Matt Nathanson, Adam Duritz, Alanis Morrisette and Rob Thomas. And I’m happy that’s get to share these experiences with my aunt, cousin and brother….and that was all just in the last 48 hours!
Sheesh. It has been quite the roller coaster lately. I’ve been traveling since late June and will leave tomorrow night, and will not return for at least a month. The record comes out in 2 days.
How do you feel? People ask. And I don’t really know. I feel calm, like its no big deal. This will be my 3rd album, and I’ve been working at this for 10 years. There’s some anticipation, but there is mostly gratitude for everything that has needed to happen to get me to this place. And even though I just had a mini melt down at the airport, that caused me to feel extremely sad, because I saw on Instagram all my friends attending my ex’s concert, and then another picture with his new girlfriend in it. I have to believe, absolutely have to believe, that the best hasn’t happened yet.
This record is my heart. It is my story. It is my struggle, my heartbreak, my sadness, my tears, and the journey of how I got out of it. How I truly tried everyday to stay focused on the positive, even when I felt like I was stuck in a bubble under a microscope. Even when i felt like the darkness may never dissipate. It is reminder, just as today is, that I am human.That I feel deeply. I am sensitive, vulnerable, that I cry, and have as many off days as I do on days. But that in the end, I will absolutely be ok. Because I am strong, and I am fierce and because my spirit will not allow me to be anything but that.
Somedays I feel like a whale, somedays my jeans fit tight, sometimes I take the comment some guy made about how I looked better when I was 23 and now I have crows feet, to heart. And somedays I can brush it all off, somedays I feel unstoppable. Strong and beautiful, like nothing could touch me.
And then I realize, none of it matters. Because it is always changing. Life is always adjusting accordingly to what it needs us to pay more attention to, learn from, grow from, or it keeps putting us through the same situation because we didn’t “get it” the first time. Or keeps throwing shit our way so we can learn to love ourselves, instead of relying on everyone else to assure us.
Am I sharing too much? I’ve had a lot of people thank me in the last week for being so open. It gets me wondering, how did I get to be ‘so open’ in the first place? I’ve internally been thinking about this all week.
I have to say, I think over the years I just seen so many people beat around the bushes that I had this epiphany of, OMG! Why don’t we just tell it like it is? There would be so much less confusion in the world. I also realize, that it’s easier said than done. I still find myself in situations, where its hard to tell the truth about things, cause you don’t want to hurt someones feeling, and then I think to myself, Who’s the hypocrite now? But when you start telling it like it is, or at least try to start attempting to speak your truth, as hard as it might be, you inspire others to do the same. And so I think subconsciously I’ve just been practicing ‘telling it like it is’. And it’s neither right nor wrong, bad or good, it just simply is.
And the more you do it, the easier it gets, until you think oh this is easy, and then there comes a challenge, where the universe is really asking you to step up and speak your truth, just to test you and see if you can do it.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve read and received so many beautiful emails and comments. People sharing their stories, and current situations, and thoughts. Its been quite amazing. We as human, just want to share, and talk and vent and tell our stories. We ALL have a story, and all of them are valid. And we all deserve to be supported and loved and befriended by people that CARE about our stories.
As much as I share, I also try to practice daily the art of simply listening. And also reaching out and letting friends and family know that I appreciate them and love them. It’s easy to go on and on about all the crap going on in our own lives, but equally important to remember that everyone needs someone to tell their story to, someone to lean on.
I am extremely blessed with a very well rounded group of friends and family, that keep me in check and hold me accountable, but at the same time let me be me. I try to remember that each and everyday and do the same for them. In the end, the relationships you cherish, work and fight for are the best ones you will ever have.
I’d like to take a minute to thank my dearest friends and family for sticking by me. For lending your shoulder to lean on. Shit got pretty depressing their for a second. You guys didn’t pat me on the back and tell me it will be fine. You guys simply let me vent, and cry and freak out. And you sat on the floor in my living room with me for nights on end, and let me hibernate in my house, and when I started to come out of it, and put it into music, you would listen with me, as I played them, and worked them out and sent you demos, and finally would feel comfortable to put it on my blog to share with everyone else.
(Continued today, 10/1/12 at 12:02pm)
I am crying my eye balls out as I type this (I just re-read what I started writing yesterday). Im pretty sure my period is coming tomorrow…Ay yi yi (Sorry if thats TMI) I have been so emotional lately.
My whole heart, on my sleeve, will be available for everyone to hear tomorrow. I cant believe I made this record.
I cant believe its mine. I cant believe how deeply its rooted itself inside of me and how beautifully it bloomed. Its the blessings of all blessings and I am just happy I get to share it with you. So thank you everyone, for everything, for being you, and amazing, for sharing your stories with me, and for sending me so much love. For telling me to go rent Good Will Hunting and make a big bowl of popcorn, for sending me flowers and letters, and taco coin purses.
I am just always so in awe of life, and the fact that I get to do this. Ill be forever grateful.
Enjoy the album, its out tomorrow! Available everywhere. Custom made from my heart to yours.
Here we go!!!!!!
Ps. There is so much snot coming out of my nose right now…HA.
I love you guys,
Sent from my iPad