4 months later, I am sitting here in the studio with Greg Wells, my fantastic producer and our amazing engineer, Ian MacGregor. We are listening to all the tracks we have done and printing mixes to tape. I cant help but get a little teary listening back to all these songs. Such a journey they are.
Julianne, our assistant has just returned with chocolate covered strawberries and champagne, I think its time to pop that bottle!
Yesterday, we recorded the last song, and I went home with a new playlist on my ipod. As I listened back to everything, I cried like I’ve never cried before. Not because I was sad, but more because I was, and still am, in awe.
I feel like someone just handed me my new favorite record, and then I have to pinch myself, THIS IS MY RECORD!?
I never thought I would get to this place. I dreamed of it, sure, but there were a lot of doubts along the way, a lot of moments of not believing I was able to get here. A lot of moments of not thinking I was good enough, or strong enough or capable enough. A lot of moments thinking my voice wasnt good enough, or the songs werent good enough, or that they were too honest.
The last 4 months feel like an out of body experience. I literally feel like the music just moved through me. Even throughout the writing process, I feel like I was just a channel for it. Sometimes I have this thought, that the universe put me back together with someone, just to have them break my heart, just so that I could feel what I needed to feel, in order to write the songs that I did, in order to make this album, in exactly the way we have. The timing, the waiting, the crying, the laughing, the mood swings, the ups, and the downs have really orchestrated themselves to show up in the most perfect way throughout this whole process.
I wanted to get here, but I never knew how to get to here, and didn’t know if I would be able to get here, but here we are :) We did it!
I am speechless.
Even if this record never saw the light of day, which will definitely NOT be the case, the process of making this album alone has been one of the most beautiful, therapeutic experiences I have ever had in my life.
It has helped to heal my heart, and my soul, and has allowed me to let out what I wanted so badly to scream at the top of my lungs, or say as I cry myself to sleep or leave on someones answering machine.
Looking back at the last 3 albums, I see that I was just barely scraping the surface of what I was capable of. I have to thank my label, Virgin, for believing in me, and seeing that, and trusting in me and my writing that we would get to this place. I really went for it on this record. These songs are coming from a place I never even knew existed.
What started out as a blank canvas, has snowballed into one of the most beautiful paintings I have ever created. As I stand back and look at it, even I am impressed, and can trust that my heart and soul are right there, in each and every brush stroke, in every color of the rainbow.
I’ve always been the most hard on myself. Nothing is ever good enough, everything could always sound better. There was a lot of shit thrown in my direction over the last 3 years, there were times where I thought a wind would never appear for my sail. There were a lot of non-believers, BUT there were a ton of believers, and in the end, I realized the only thing that really mattered, was that I believed. And that I just needed to fucking snap out of it, and tune into what my heart was saying. This record is that.
For someone who was gonna walk away from music completely, I am so glad that I didn’t.
All I can say, is I couldn’t be more proud to stand behind this record and share it with the world.
Its been a long road back, but I am ready.
Thank you for all your support and your patience.
I couldnt and wouldnt have been able to do this without my fans.
For love, and the light at the end of the tunnel.
I love you guys.
Tristan
